My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
