she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
