So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
