I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
