I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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