that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
