I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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