do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
