I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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