Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
