I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
