Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
