dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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