Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
