My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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