i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
