Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
