That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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