There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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