tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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