Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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