I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have so many feelings about this burrito
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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