; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
