I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
