i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
