The maid of honor just puked.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
