so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
