can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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