Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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