Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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