matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
