At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
