As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
