I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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