Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
