My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
