We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
