if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize