I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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