Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
