Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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