i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
