I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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