He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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