its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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