I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mom said you looked used
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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