don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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