my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
