All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
