You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
