dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
