is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
