I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
