who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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