Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
