once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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