just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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