i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
