It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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