Im at strip club and am horny
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
