My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
