The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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